8 Considerations for Reducing Children's Anxiety During Covid

2020 was hard. Even if your family was safe, the collective anxiety has taken its toll.

Let’s stop and take a deep breath. Now take another one. And another.

Are you feeling like you just want this ride to stop so you can get off? I sure am having days like that. Particularly as California is on the brink of another tight shut down. And if we are feeling like this as adults, armed with a mature prefrontal cortex, you know that our kids are feeling it even worse. So, let's continue to actively work to reduce our kids' anxiety. Here are some ideas.

1.  Appeal to Your Kids’ Noble Side

When kids see themselves as part of the solution, they feel less helpless: You might say, "Yes, the pandemic is a crisis, and in crises we need to be courageous and do our part. Every time we wear a mask and wash our hands, we are doing our part. When we choose to stay at home and celebrate just with each other, we are doing our part. When we take care of ourselves and boost our immune systems, we are doing our part. In our family we are fighting the pandemic by staying as healthy as possible.”

2. Recognize They Are Making History

Help build up the vision of how your kids are a part of history. 2020 is a year they are never going to forget. There is this unique opportunity to do something special with this time. At no time in their future are you going to have as much time with your kids as you do now. Even though you feel nailed to the wall trying to juggle getting your work done while being parent and teacher at the same time, you are still spending a lot less time commuting and signing kids in and out of childcare. At the same time, your kids’ activities are either restricted or more efficient. There are many silver linings of sheltering in place: Help your children find them.

3. Help Your Kids Put This Time in Perspective

These are dark times. The death toll this year is mind numbing. Whether or not your children have lost someone close to them, they know of someone who knows someone. Your family may be facing difficult financial decisions that add to your kids’ insecurity. And at the same time, this will pass. Just as other dark times in the past have passed, this will pass. With your little kids, take them outside and have them look up at the stars. Help them imagine all the the events in history those stars have seen. The world has suffered and recovered and evolved. We will recover and evolve. Share other times from your own life when you have faced adversity but come out of it with gifts—skills or perspectives or knowledge of your self—that you wouldn’t otherwise have gotten.

4. Develop a Gratitude Attitude

Research consistently shows that expressing our gratitude out loud or writing it down boosts our happiness and well being. Maybe start a family gratitude list to model for your kids how it is done. The more we take something for granted, the more it is helpful to list it: I am grateful for the stars in the sky, the waves on the shore, the sunshine on my back, clean drinking water, clean enough air, a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, a body that bends and moves the way I need it to, my vision, my hearing, strong teeth, my stove, oven and refrigerator... Can you list 100 things this month?

5. Help Your Kids Create a Vision for Their Futures

No matter your children’s age, there are so many ways they can imagine their futures and steps they can take towards those futures. Do they want to travel? Now is the time to plan that dream adventure. Do they want a particular job? Their heroes and mentors a sitting at home. This is the perfect time to write a letter or ask for an interview. Do they want to be financially secure? Teach them the benefit of compounded interest and saving early. Do they want to be on the varsity team or in the advanced band? This is the perfect time to put in extra hours to mastery.

6. Shift Your Kids’ Focus Away From Themselves

A great deal of the anxiety of the pandemic is feeling out of control, feeling that it is something that is being done to us. That puts us in victim mode. Instead, encourage kids to stand in someone else’s shoes. No matter how bad things are at your house, usually you don’t have to look too far to find someone else whose situation is worse than your own. Invite your kids to brainstorm what they can do to help or comfort that person. Let your kids know that they can make a difference and that you want them to do so. To some degree anxiety comes from absorption with one’s own problems: That could happen to me! Is that going to happen to me? When kids take action to help someone in need, the act of thinking of someone else, distracts them from their own anxiety.

7. Expect and Support Good Sleep Habits

We know anxiety can play havoc with good sleep. We also know there are daily habits one can develop to improve good sleep. Head towards bed at the same time every night. Be firm about shutting down electronics an hour before sleep, house electronics outside of bedrooms and have kids (teens, too) go through a consistent nightly routine that signals to the body that it is time to shut down. Your kids may need to add some new pieces to their nighttime routine to help them relax. Guided meditations of peaceful scenes are often effective. Kids can even write their own guided meditation and create their own “happy place”—a place they can mentally retreat to during the day, as well.

8. Take School with a Grain of Salt

As adults we have been cycling through our own ups and downs of feeling motivated and being able to focus. Even highly effective, highly disciplined people have been rubbed raw by the adjustments we have had to make this year. It is understandable that our kids are feeling the same way. As parents, we can let them know that they don’t have to be on their A game every day. At the same time, we can help them brainstorm what will make remote learning easier or more tolerable. Whether it is physical adjustments like keeping fidget toys close at hand or sitting on an exercise ball to keep them moving or practical strategies like having a google hangout friend to do homework with so they feel less isolated, the act of brainstorming and implementing ideas will in itself help kids to feel focused and motivated.

Take a deep breath. Now take another one. And another.

With Gratitude,
Elisabeth