(In addition to being an author on parenting, Hogan is putting together an awesome in-person conference for parents in August 2017. Called the United We Parent Conference, it will take place in Southern California and will include great speakers (like me!) and breakout groups for parents to share their insights and issues.)
For the last year I’ve collected forms and photos for the first comprehensive coffee table books about moms and dads.
The idea for the DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century book came as a result of a conversation I had with fellow dad Austin Dowd about the lack of attention given to the responsible, active dads who we felt far outnumbered the irresponsible, absent dads the media continues to highlight. Together we decided to create a book to prove that Fatherhood Is Alive and Well.
Each page included a form for a dad to complete, a dad’s self-portrait and three photos of the dads with their kids.
After Austin and I collected forms and photos from 115 dads in 11 different countries, I decided to invite Elise Cohen Ho to create a companion coffee table book about moms titled Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.
One of the requests in the form I created for the dads and moms was to share a successful fatherhood and motherhood moment. The invitation was to share a specific memorable teaching and/or learning moment with your child that did not involve receiving an award, winning an event or sport.
I was surprised to discover that many dads and moms struggled to find the words to describe their parenting successes. I also received emails from moms who didn’t feel they were amazing enough parents to be in the book.
I wondered why it is so difficult for moms and dads to acknowledge their successes and also give themselves a favorable grade for being a good parent.
An observation by Dr. Rachel Milsteing Goldenhar helped explain a part of the reason why many parents view themselves as failures and also struggle to praise themselves as well as other parents.
“Unfortunately parents have been judging each other for thousands of years. It’s easy to be a critic. It’s much harder to be a good parent. Part of parenting is that other people will judge your decisions. In parenting, it’s important to stay grounded and focused on what your goals and values are for your family and not focus on what others think.”
When was the last time or how often have you heard another parent compliment you (or another parent) on a specific parenting skill you successfully accomplished?
When was the last time you complimented another parent on a specific parenting skill he or she accomplished?
The truth is that most moms and dads are very successful at being good parents. I believe moms and dads through the course of each day have many more successes than failures. Yet, many parents focus too much of their time on the failures of other parents as well as their own failures. This results in dads and moms distorting their success to failure ratio as parents.
To help moms and dads put their success to failure ratio into perspective I’d like to compare it to other professions as well as how people react to it.
Each time a professional baseball player attempts to hit a ball, their success rate is less than 30%. The player fails over 70% of the time.
Each time a professional basketball player attempts to shoot a basketball, the success rate is less than 50%. The player fails over 50% of the time.
Despite these low numbers, people applaud and admire these professional athletes successes with high praise and multi-million dollar contracts. Many people even purchase a player’s uniform to show off how much they admire him or her.
Wouldn’t it be great if moms and dads show their respect, admiration, praise and value to themselves as well as other parents in the same way they do other professions like baseball and basketball players?
At the end of every day give yourself permission to reflect on your parenting successes.
After you do, I’m confident you will realize your success rate is much higher than you thin;k and also a professional baseball or basketball player. In so doing, I feel it will also inspire you to acknowledge the successes of other parents in your community and network.
United We Parent for The KIDS!
Elise and I invite All moms of every family dynamic to submit for the Amazing Moms book. If you’d like more info email Hogan and firstname.lastname@example.org.
The DADLY Dads book is finished and will debut in March 2017.