Parents call me all the time concerned that their children are lazy, that they just want to be on their screens, that they lack motivation both for their school work and for taking personal responsibility. In last week’s blog, I gave my views on whether to Pay Children for Grades but concluded that what parents really want to know is not whether or not to pay their kids for grades: They just want to know how to motivate their kids to take an interest and to take action. Read on to learn How to Motivate Your Kids
Recently in my Middle School Moms Group on Facebook a lively conversation about whether we should pay kids for grades came up. What do you think? Here I share comments of parents in the group and then provide my own views on this issues.
Effective Parenting pillars: Clarity, Connection and Consistency. Master these three parenting pillars and all the other parenting challenges will be easier as you will have the strong bond that you need to get your kids’ cooperation.
During the holiday season, it becomes especially important to ask the question over and over: Is our stress/guilt/anxiety of the holidays having a more negative effect on our kids and family as a whole than the closeness and happiness we are trying to create? Here are some ideas for reigning the holiday crazy in and being a positive parent throughout.
In a piece for the New York Times, Pooja Lakshmin opines, “if you’re a parent who’s at your wits’ end, instead of beating yourself up for your failure to self-care, try shortening your family to-do list and setting some boundaries." This is good advice, of course, but she doesn't give any concrete advice on how to shorten the family to-do list. I got thinking about that and came up with this list for parents of new to elementary school kids. (In the comment section below, tell me what are the things that you say no to.)
As parents approach the teen years, they get fearful about all the pitfalls their sweet baby can fall into. Yes, it is scary. Between social media and new addictions like vaping, there is a lot that can pull a kid off track. There is no silver bullet for protecting our kids. Even companies like Apple that are trying to provide parental controls on their devices are failing to truly protect our kids. So what does buffer our kids? Well in studies of measures that support kids in thriving, a strong connection to family remains one of the best tools.
Get 4 Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship with Your Kids
STEM education has come a long way since I was a child; now science and technology have such center stages that even if (like me!) science was your worst subject, there are lots of ways to excite your kids’ interest.
The new school year brings new hopes but also new fears about acceptance and fitting in. This is never more true than for middle school students (though the advice here is good for all grades). Parents can be proactive about talking to their kids about how to handle bullying before it even comes up as a problem.
One of the reasons that we are seeing anxiety and depression increase at such alarming rates is because children are so over programmed that they do not get the downtime they need. Additionally, getting kids to their additional activities adds stress to the whole family system. Parents feel a lot of pressure to provide their kids enriching opportunities, but that learning is coming at a very high cost.
Do I ever recommend to a client that they see a therapist? Yes! As a parenting coach, I am focused on getting parents the skills they need to run their homes more harmoniously and to have closer, more connected relationships with their kids. Sometimes a person’s mental health keeps a parent from fully focusing on their kids, and it can be hard to make the progress they need to transform their families. That’s a great time to see a therapist.
We get thrown as parents when our kids ask (demand!) something that they know we are going to say no to. Have we ever said yes to a popsicle for breakfast? No! So why would they even think to ask? Read to find out .
Parenting a teen is a new game! The main goal of parenting a teen is to raise an adult. That means your main parenting task between roughly 12 and 18 is to make the shift from being the captain of the ship to being the wise guide. After all, it is simply not possible to drive down the street for you child and to claim that your child is learning to drive. Before he or she can get a license, your child has to get behind the wheel and drive down the street without you in the car. Keep these three metaphors in mind in helping you be the parent of a teen.
This piece is written by Tyler Jacobson. I like having a dad’s perspective and find his wish for his daughter especially touching because I’m not sure men always articulate in their mind how much they want their daughters to have a voice. Tyler expresses it as, “ I wanted [my daughter] to be confident and comfortable in who she is, in spite of constant outside voices clamoring for her to conform and be someone else.” In this blog Tyler describes his own personal approach with reference to what the experts say about each step.
Parents often worry that their kids aren’t motivated to do anything beyond play video games or post on social media. The truth of the matter is is that there is a lot in kids’ daily lives that works to squash personal motivation. Here are some tips parents can use to rekindle their child’s natural eagerness to interact with the world and to take pride in what they do.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race when it comes to overcoming anxieties and phobias. Too often it is hard for us to slow down and be empathetic with our children and their fears. And sometimes we are so afraid of upsetting them that we do everything we can to avoid the situation that triggers the fear. As with so many things, that answer lies in the middle. Help your child take baby steps towards mastering his fears. That way he will feel supported and seen and heard ; and at the same time you help him develop the skills and persistence he will need so much in life.
Whether your child is 2 or 12, tantrums are just no fun, right? Most of us are not super comfortable with big, out-of-control displays of feelings, so our children’s tantrums set off a negative reaction in us. But tantrums are just a sign that your child is overwhelmed and doesn’t have sufficient skills to manage her feelings in a more constructive way. As parents we can help with skill building, but it still takes time.
Feeling that you are the primary parent is a significant challenge that seems to fall mostly to moms— even today. Part of that is still a vestige of time when women being in the workforce was the exception not the rule. And part of it is that the role of perfect mother has so been put on a pedestal that women feel enormous pressure to be responsible for everything in their family—even when they have full responsibilities at work.
Feeling like or being the primary parent adds tremendous stress to already stressed families, and it is worth it to find more balance in taking responsibility for the running of the family and household. Read on to find out ow I support parents with that.
Every once in a while I publish a guest post—either because the person’s expertise in a given area is much more sophisticated than mine or because they offer a perspective I cannot. In this blog, dad Tyler Jacobson shares how he handled it when his 13 year old daughter broke some big family rules. I especially love the understanding he shows his daughter as well as the problem solving, all while keeping her accountable for her poor choices.
We all know the reasons our tempers are short—we’re tired, stressed out and too often pushed to the wall. And then our kids—who should know better—argue, talk back, give us black looks or just ignore us altogether. No wonder we want to shake them silly.
