Most parents understand and are comfortable with this when it comes to safety. Your two year old may want to climb the wobbly ladder by himself but you know that the risk is too great, so you offer a compromise--she may climb it with you hanging on to him tightly or she may climb her toy slide by herself. He may not use the big knife to cut onions but he may use the plastic knife to cut bananas or to spread butter.
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The first question to ask yourself, when considering how to keep your teen from rebelling, is what am I doing to help foster my kid’s independence and sense of autonomy?
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How did we get to where we are today?
The trend for highly supervised playdates grew over a lot of years, and there are some reasons that even if they change back, they won’t ever be quite the same.
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Both as a teacher and as a camp counselor, I have dealt with plenty of separation anxiety in older kids.
In early elementary kids, it is still common to have a transition period as a child enters a new classroom. Even if the child was perfectly happy in the classroom next door the year before, he may spend the first couple of weeks crying in his new classroom. Intellectually, he knows he was happy the year before and will probably be happy again, but in between then and now, he has spent a lovely, long summer in the bosom of his family. For him separation anxiety is wrapped up in feeling uncomfortable with a new routine. Once he has cycled through the weekly schedule a couple of times and feels he knows his teacher, he is fine.
Separation anxiety is a normal stage for kids to go through. It starts around 6 months and usually tapers off around 2 years old. During these months a baby is first gaining the cognitive recognition that you still exist when you are not there, which means baby can now miss you when you are not there. The problem often intensifies because at the same time baby realizes that her primary source of food and comfort can leave her, she is also testing the ways in which she is an individual. That's scary! A lot of separation anxiety is about finding that fine line between growing more independent and at some level still knowing she is fully dependent on you for survival.
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This blog is in response to a letter a mom sent me about her son:
Dear Elisabeth,
I am so angry and mortified. My 10-year-old got caught shop lifting, and I am afraid this is a sign of much worse things to come.
Upset and Worried in Tulsa
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was an English teacher for 25 years and worked as a writing tutor on the side, often helping kids with their college app, including my own three children. That experience has given me my own perspective on the college admissions essay process.
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