Last night in my yoga class, the instructor asked us to dedicate our practice to being more playful. That got me to thinking about the power of playfulness in parenting. When I got home, I went to the Joyful Parenting Website and searched “play.” Twenty blogs came up in which I mention the power of play and being a playful parent. That tells me what an important role I think play plays (ha ha, pun intended) for happy children and a happy home life. That being said, I realize I’ve never devoted an entire blog to the Importance of Play.
I do that here AND teach two playful techniques you can put to work in your family today.
When it comes to “spoiling,” this is when I see problems:
Parents deny their children something only to give in in the face of whiny, petulant, disruptive behavior.
Parents give their children everything always, so children never learn to handle disappointment.
Parents give their children everything always, so children develop a warped sense of entitlement and fail to recognize the difference between needs and wants.
Teasing out what are the effects of child care--especially long term--on children is no easy task and, yet, is understandably one that has an enormous effect not only on our own children but also on society as a whole. The truth is, researchers don't really know whether or how much childcare might be hurting us. Here are my ideas.
When most people think of grit, they think of “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” While that is an example of grit, most grit is of the less dramatic kind—the kind which allows a person to keep trying in the face of obstacles large and small.
Setting out to develop grit in your child sounds a bit draconian, but you do want your child to develop the kind of persistence that will allow her to pursue things even when the pursuing feels hard or not worth it. The best way to do this is to help your child see herself as being in process and to see challenges as something to go around rather than as something to stop you in your tracks.
You've Got the ABC's Covered and the 123's Down. But Increasingly, research shows the importance of Emotional Intelligence--and you are the person best suited to teaching it.
Emotional intelligence is being able to recognize a wide range of nuanced emotions, and recognizing them, being able to regulate them and put them in perspective in a way that helps the individual move through life more easily.
In my long experience in working with children, emotional intelligence can absolutely be developed. The most important way in which it is developed is through interactions with thoughtful adults who are modeling and guiding kids in dealing with their feelings.
This blog shares some common behaviors of parents whose kids display emotional intelligence.
As parents, we worry when our children are shy because we don't want them to suffer. While the worry is understandable, our instinct to protect our children is not always the most helpful response. Not wanting our shy child to be upset, we err on the side of either keeping him safe at home away from social situations or forcing him out into society in ways which just reinforce his insecurities. Click HERE to read Julia Hammond of MyDeal.com.au's blog on finding the middle ground in supporting your shy child. In addition to consulting me, she got tips from a behavioral expert and an art therapist.
Is it potato chips and soda making kids obese? Maybe not! While a healthy diet is important, of course, new research by Dr. Asheley Cockerel Skinner of the University of North Carolina (Chapel Hill) finds that “it is becoming increasingly obvious that the lack of physical exercise in children is the main culprit in the startling rise of childhood obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and all other types of preventable medical conditions.”
If you are sick of nagging and arguing about it, here are some sneaky ways to assure your kids move their bodies without focusing on it being “exercise.”
At the end of the day, family is about being together and feeling like a connected unit. With very little time in the week left over for parenting and family time, it is essential to be deliberate about the choices you make for your family--both by protecting the time you do have together and by making sure that time is quality time. Here are some tips on how to do that.
Powerful Parenting Comes From Being Grounded in Your Core Values.
With every parent I work with, I start by having parents identify what it is they care most deeply about. What is their world view? Whom do they want their child to become? It is not enough, today, to look to our neighbor for answers on how to parent our child. Instead it is essential to get clear on your own values and beliefs and to prioritize them.
Have you heard the cry of, OMG, YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSING!
Has your young teen shifted from skipping down the street holding your hand to acting as if you have the plague? Such behavior is so teen-movie, situational-sitcom cliché we almost don't fully expect it to happen to us. But if your child is developing normally and as he needs to do, he will have that moment when he acts as if you are an alien creature he has never seen before.
Your frontal cortex is fully formed: You have the big picture and long-term perspective. That makes it your job to keep calm and parent on. Repeating the mantra, This is a stage, it will pass, and it has nothing to do with me personally, it will help.
The more I read and hear about the current research on the effects of screen time on our children's eyes, brains and bodies, the more I am convinced of the need for setting up really firm guidelines for daily electronics use. Gaming companies and social media apps are getting every more sophisticated at hooking our kids in. As adults with fully formed brains, it is hard for us to appreciate how easily out kids are adversely affected. Click HERE for an article by Julie Hammond that I contributed with ideas for how to get your kids' attention way from their iPads and gameboys.
Tyler Jacobson, today's guest blogger who writes about the struggle to find the balance between protecting our kids without falling into helicopter parenting, is a proud father, husband, writer and outreach specialist with experience helping parents and organizations that help troubled teen boys. Tyler has focused on helping through honest advice and humor on modern day parenting, struggles in school, the impact of social media, addiction, mental disorders, and issues facing teenagers now. Follow Tyler on Twitter | Linkedin
“I adore my husband, but I hate parenting with him. I feel like I can handle the kids alone, but he comes in and mixes it all up." Seriously, when parents contact me, conflict with one's spouse about how he or she parents is always some part of what is keeping their household from being as fully calm and harmonious as they want it to be. That means that one of my biggest roles as a parenting coach is to help parents get on the same page. Here are the 4 steps I teach to becoming a united parenting team.
A client called frustrated because she had offered her 7th grader a bribe to do something she really wanted him to do that he was digging his heels in on, and now he was demanding that she give him something every time she asked him to do anything at all. That's a problem!
Isn’t that the truth! Parenting gets so exponentially harder when we are in a hurry or are tired. That’s why I’m such a big believer in creating systems and routines for as much of the day as we can. When we have good systems and routines to fall back on, we can let habit lead us.
Now that it is the end of summer, it is time to reconsider: How did your summer travel go? I'd love to hear what worked well for your family and where the challenges were. In the meantime, to get good deals you are going to have to start making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas/Winter holidays sooner rather than later. Now is also a good time rethink how to smooth out travel plans with the kids. This article which quotes me and other parenting bloggers will have you covered with its Foolproof Tips for Traveling with Kids.
Knowing our kids are happy at school allows us to drop them off with confidence and get on with our day. When our child refuses to go to school, then we are filled with doubt and insecurity and our hands feel tied, knowing it is not as simple as changing schools or teachers. What can you do to help your child feel good about his teacher?
One of the reasons our children feel the pressure of a narrow path is not just because we pressure them to just going into medicine or engineering. It is also because they have a too narrow view of the world. As a mathphobe, for example, it would have never occurred to me to go to work for a tech company, and yet that summer I worked for Sun Microsystems, I learned that I had something to contribute even there. Knowing about the many many jobs in the world allow kids room to dream and imagine themselves as doing lots of different kind of work..
11 teen suicides in 9 years. In one community. In my community. How does that happen? Your first answer might be to blame the parents. Where were they? Didn't they know they were putting too much pressure on their son? Why didn't they do something?
Having friends is one of the most important themes of childhood. Adulthood, too, for that matter. Some people have a strong need to be accepted just for who they are innately, but the fact of the matter is that most people look at what we say and do. They do not have crystal balls into our souls. So teaching your kids to be kind always has them putting a good foot forward when it comes to making friends.
